I’m gonna be one of those girls who shares their ayahuasca journeys…because even though it was over 10 years ago, with each passing year, I continuously realize that what I saw was in many ways, the foundation for everything I ever need to know. (ayahuasca is a South American visionary tea… Look it up if you want more info).
The ceremony was 2 nights and after the first one, the shaman (person serving the tea and holding the ceremony) told me he felt that although I’d had some interesting realizations, he could see they were still coming from my mind. “Don’t stop til you meet your higher self,” he advised. “no matter how tantalizing the visions or realizations, Just wait til You meet your higher self.”
“But how will I know when I meet my higher self?” I asked. “You’ll just know,” he assured me. Fantasies of meeting a fairy or angel or some magical being from another galaxy flooded my mind. I couldn’t wait to meet her, but I had absolutely no idea who she was. (This was, after all over ten years ago, I’d barely heard the term before.)
That night, after taking the tea, I had visions and realizations and teachings, but I didn’t pay attention to any of them. I just kept repeating my mantra, “higher self.” And then suddenly, there she was. I was so shocked I nearly fell over. This was no fairy, she was the most familiar being in the universe, she was me! (ok ok, I am a magical being from another galaxy, but you know what I mean ) When I heard her voice I was like “no flipping way! I’ve been hearing your voice every moment of everyday since the dawn of existence. It’s YOU!” I shouted, hugging her, or myself. It was like having a reunion with someone I didn’t know existed but had been there with me forever… ME!
Her words were simple and relentless. “I LOVE YOU. You are love. Every cell in your being is made of love. Love is the only thing that’s real. Everything is perfectly unfolding. You are a divine light being. I LOVE YOU.” Over and over again she said this to me. It was like being whipped and battered for hours with these words until everything else dissolved and love was all that remained.
At some point there were thousands of me, from a tiny baby all the way up an old lady. We were all parts of the ONE cuddled up together in total ecstatic bliss as our higher self blasted us with love…(yeah, it was pretty out there.)
I was shown challenging moments of my life. And my higher self just smiled with an abundance of joy, making me see how perfect it was. Then I saw myself being selfish or mean. All she could do was giggle at my infinite perfection. From there I was shown horrible things happening on the planet, and again, my higher self showed me that although painful, disastrous, and impossible for the human mind to comprehend, there was in fact only complete perfection. “I LOVE YOU. Everything is perfect.”
I could tell a fib and say my life instantly transformed, but it didn’t. By the next week I was back to my old dramas wondering what on Earth to to do with that profound experience. It took years to integrate into my life. Yet slowly over time What I saw that night became more obvious. Over the last couple of years I began to connect deeply with my higher self (no plants needed), feeling her constant love in my cells and the understanding the perfection of each moment, even when it seems exactly the opposite. Then I began to learn how to BE my higher self by continuously loving whatever is arising. Seeing every moment no matter what is happening as an opportunity to love more deeply. I love “the one” who is experiencing happiness, sadness, fun, loneliness, and all of the many colors that make up the human experience.
I don’t, btw recommend doing ayahuasca or anything else unless you’re really called. I do however whole heartedly recommend loving each and every thought, emotion, sensation and situation that arises in your experience in all its infinite perfection. And when you are in complete resistance, certain this shouldn’t be happening, love more!
Light being… This was the bit that was most confusing. I mean, was my higher self some hippy chick talkin new age mumbo jumbo? I pondered for years what the heck she meant. But I’ve discovered that as I love whatever I am feeling or seeing or experiencing, I do this for everyone on the planet. Cause when you feel joy, your joy spreads to the heart of every person. And when you feel sad and love “the one” who is sad, you’re loving each and every person on earth who has ever felt sadness, particularly those who cannot do this for themselves. And this is one of the most loving things we can do for each other because we’re all connected through love.