I was once having epic sex with a man. I mean the every cell electrifying kind where my body was oozing YES! YES! YES! But after some time my mind began to whisper and eventually go off like a siren screaming NO! NO! NO! For reasons I won’t go into, I realized that I wanted to just be friends. Now when I say that I just wanted to be friends, I’m talking about the reflective, consciousness that considers things such as “is it in my highest good to continue sleeping with this man?” The answer, said this part of me, was no.
My body, on the other hand was not interested in concepts such as “my highest good.” My body was interested in the every cell electrifying sex. It was a YES with a capital Y. But my mind won and we broke it off. A few months later we hung out again. I appreciated our connection, however, I was very clear that I was not open to having sex with him, despite the fact that my body was like, “whatchoo talkin about girl?” I was pleasantly surprised to find that I wasn’t really attracted to him when I saw him, and that this whole friendship thing would be a piece of cake. That was until a few hours later when my body suddenly caught onto who it was exactly that we were hanging out with. “Hold on a second,” my body exclaimed, “I remember this guy,” and it began to ooze the familiar YES! YES! YES!
That’s when the struggle began. After spending an entire day with this man, my mind was sure that it was not interested in sleeping with him. And yet my body was turning into a bitch in heat as she remembered the every cell electrifying sex.
To add fuel to my inner conflict, this man began to pull out every tool in his toolbox to try and convince me that we should have sex, and this guy has A LOT of tools, including spiritual slogans and sensuous massage techniques. “Just sleep with him. It’ll be so hot,” said my body.
“You must be out of your mind, (pardon the pun)” my mind fired back. “You don’t want to sleep with this guy. He’s really not good for you.” My body was simply not convinced, especially as this man used his magic touch to melt me like candle wax.
“Geez you’ve got a one tract mind,” my mind retorted with a hint of irony. But after hours on the battlefield, I’m happy to report that my mind won. We did not have sex and we parted ways, a little disappointed but still friends.
I have to admit that my body even sulked a bit the next day, like a 3 year old who didn’t get her ice cream cone. But I’m so pleased that I listened to what I perceive to be my intuition because I wholeheartedly believe in the spiritual proverb, if it’s not a HELL YES on every level, than its a NO. Even if the body is oozing with YES, if the mind has reservations, then it’s best to wait until the reservations have resolved themselves and the full YES is resounding in your soul.
It may seem simple, especially in this particular illustration, but t’s actually quite deep. Waiting for the full YES is listening to our inner guidance system and is essential to living optimally, not only in sex and relationships, but in all areas of our lives. This doesn’t mean that the full YES is going to bring us into only easy situations or paradise, but it will lead us to the ones with the most necessary lessons and our highest good. And when we respect and honor even our smallest, strangest, even somehow irritating NOs, our YESES feel infinitely sweeter and more potent.